Why we aren't having a wedding...

As you may have noticed, I haven't been posting at all for a while. That's because at the beginning of June we decided to fore-go the massive 200 guest Texas wedding. Since that glorious decision was made, all I feel is huge relief!

Why no wedding you ask?
Well, no matter how hard we tried the entire ordeal was

• still a wedding in every sense of the word
• still had patriarchal elements
• so tremendously consumerist that at times I wanted to puke: wedding favors, food, drinks, flowers and more flowers, place settings, decor, etc.
• crazy expensive: "I'm supposed to spend 5K on a photographer?! I'll take the damn pictures myself!"
• no matter how hard i tried to make it feminist I was still strongly disagreeing with my family about: the white dress, the huge white cake, wearing shoes, using a minister vs. a friend to marry us, etc.
• and finally, the amount of waste and the harm on the environment is too much.

So we have joyfully decided to have a super small ceremony lasting a whopping 20 minutes tops here in VA with our parents, siblings, and grandparents. It will be done exactly the way we want it, without the stress and mess. Most importantly, it will be ours and done our way.

So there it is! Yay for no weddings!

$750k, china cabinets, and avocado slicers...

Mike and I did our gift registry online last night...it was lots of fun! We are registered at Crate and Barrel, which is my favorite home store ever. It's so modern yet comfy, I just adore it. The only sad thing is that I have NO IDEA where in the world we will store any of the gifts we get. Our 760 sq. ft. apartment feels smaller everyday and I can't imagine trying to stuff more dishes, etc. in our already full cabinets.

A few weeks ago Mike and I saw a house for sale in our neighborhood and went online to check the price, just to get a better sense of how much houses are here. It was $750k!!!!!! I almost had a heart attack! It was way smaller than my mom or aunt and uncle's houses in the Dallas area but about 6 times more. The real estate market here is so pricey, it's depressing.

Despite our lack of space, we registered for things we have no room for, but actually do need. Like an avocado slicer, and melon baller. Seriously...anyone who knows me understands how much fruit I consume on a daily basis, and thus my need for neat kitchen appliances that make the fruit eating process easier. :)

Also, it feels so strange to put big ticket items on the registry. Do people really throw down that kind of money for wedding gifts? Even if they did, I still wouldn't put furniture or a china cabinet (no matter how much i lust after said china cabinet) on my registry. It's just....weird.

We need new bedding and all new furniture (our classy Ikea chairs keep breaking and we are down to 2 again, not to mention the wobbly Ikea kitchen table) but I would much rather wait until Bailey grows out of his crazy puppy stage and until we have more space before we go all out and get those items. Maybe I can find a nifty china cabinet at a garage sale!? It's times like these when i need my grandma to go antiquing and garage sale hunting with me to find some treasures.

Anyways, this will be my last post for a while since work is insane and we leave for Texas on the 20th.
I can't wait to see my friends and family and have Mike's parents meet my family too :)

Yippeeeeee!

sam

Foggy

The little angel sleeping...about 9 weeks old

he has perfect ears!

he is so heavy now and not easy to pick up

Bailey the graduate! (he graduated obedience class)

My brain is foggy with work being crazy due to the Supreme Court nomination, so I am just posting some pics today...its a little Bailey collage!

:)

updates

June 20th (when we drive to Texas) is rapdily approaching and I still have many things to do before we leave. We have appointments with two venues, although I am pretty sure I know which one I will pick, and we have one cupcake appointment which should be fun.

I also need to find a few more bakeries to visit, catering places, and photographers.

Sadly, one thing I may have to give up is using an organic caterer. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

I'm also not sure what to do about my flower girl situation. My adorable cousing Sierra is a hoot. When I asked her if she would be my flower girl, she said she has already been a flower girl before and will have to think about it. I know, freakin hilarious! Anyways, if she decides she is too big/too experienced to be a flower girl (I imagine the role loses its appeal after you have done it more than once) then I am in a bind. We have no other young girls in my fam, or on Mike's side. I do however, have 3 friends from highschool with little girls, but I can't pick just one!

I guess an option could be to skip the flower girl and ring bearer thing all together. What do they really do anyways? I can live with a flower-less aisle.

ok that's all....i need to start making the rest of our appointments!
-Sam

Reflections

Originally, I had intended to use this blog as a way to keep friends and family updated on the wedding planning to avoid repeating myself a million times to people. I also intended to use the blog as a space for ideas and discussion about how to plan a feminist and eco-friendly wedding.

Now however, I am going to be delving into a more uncomfortable space. From time to time I will post about topics such as the wedding industrial complex, equal partnerships, the word "wife", and crazy oppressive wedding traditions. I know this will only serve to annoy some people like my dad (who, by the way, is somewhat feminist but likes to give me a hard time) but it is also for my lovely feminist friends who have started reading this blog as well.

I just started reading The Meaning of Wife by Anne Kingston. I am only into the second chapter and I highly recommend that anyone getting married read this book. Much of the content covers things I already know such as the tradition of women wearing white to symbolize purity and virginity, and the old tradition of the bride being a mere piece of chattel to be sold between father and suitor. (doesn't just thinking about that make you sick!)

Anyways, something new that i learned was that in tradition of viewing the bride as something to be bought, sold, and consumed, 18th century England wedding guests would claw at the bride for a piece of her garments as they believe her attire possessed mythical properties (with all of the magical virginity and what not)

Anthropologists note that two centuries later the idea of consuming the bride (in a more symbolic way) continues with the wedding cake..."the cake stands tall, white, archaic and decorated, pyramidal like the veiled bride herself, and the piercing of [the cake] dramatizes her rite of passage." The food writer Jeffrey Steingarten states "the modern wedding cake is a bride you can put in your mouth."

See, I knew there was a reason I didn't want a big white cake! Now, obviously times have changed: I picked my partner out of love, and there was no financial transaction made between my father and Mike. I am not at all an oppressed bride, but instead a happy and willing woman marrying the man of my choice.

BUT it's these little things like the cake, the veil, the huge white dress that make me realize that the modern day wedding still very much resembles the weddings of ancient (and not so ancient) times that directly contributed to women being treated as property and doormats.

So there it is. My Friday feminist rant, haha. That said, I do think there is a way to have a wedding that is about celebrating love and partnership and doesn't include sexist traditions, and my goal is to find that balance.

Until next time,

Sam

75 flavors

I am finally setting appointments with venues and vendors while we are in Austin in June. So far I have scheduled appointments with two venues: House on the Hill and the Allan House, and with Hill Country Cupcake for cupcake options. Obviously, I am super excited about Hill Country Cupcake...they have 75 flavors to choose from! Mike and I picked our top four that we want to try at our appointment. This of course, is exciting because I love sweets. I also found a bakery that uses 100% wind power for their business and uses organic products, and I am waiting to get an appointment with them as well.

Is it weird that I love cupcakes but don't really like cake? I guess cupcakes are usually more fun...although I still take off the icing on cupcakes for the most part. I'm just not an icing fan unless it is super light and not too sugary.

I still want a cheesecake for MY wedding cake. So the options are to

a) have a small cheesecake for Mike and I to smash into eachother's faces, and subsequently eat, along with cupcakes for all of the guests with 2 to 3 flavor options.

b) one huge cheesecake and everyone will just have to deal with it :)

Earlier this week I was g-chatting with my wonderful friend Anique and she mentioned arranging the seats in a circle for the ceremony and Mike and I could be in the middle during the vows. I love this idea! It will all depend on the venue we get, but I don't see why it couldn't work.

For guest favors I am leaning towards wildflower seeds for everyone. I found a place that sells a pound of seeds for $25. I can just buya few yards of fabric, put some seeds in, and tie it up with a ribbon. I am just wondering how far one pound will go....maybe I should get two?

Oh, and my fabulous friend Ashley got engaged last weekend! Congrats honey!

-Sam

Engagement Festivities

So, Mike and I are driving from VA to Austin on June 20th. It will be a lovely 23 hour trip with my sweetie through Virginia, Tennesee, Arkansas, and Texas! The big thing on the 'to-do' list for the road trip is to find some way to remedy poor little Bailey's car sickness. A 23 hour drive with dog vomit = no fun, so that needs to be dealt with asap.

The week will be full of looking at possible venues, finding a caterer, etc. BUT, we are also going to throw in some fun like floating the Guadalupe and hanging out on 6th Street since Mike hasn't been to Austin before.

At the end of our trip, Mike's parent's are coming to TX for our two engagement parties. This will be great because our families can meet before the wedding and it will be great to show them around the farm and spend some time together.

This weekend the invites I designed will be printed and then sent off to Grandma and Mom to dispurse to guests. I am pretty excited! I haven't been to Texas during the summertime in 3 years, which makes my heart sad. It will be nice to soak up the sun and treck through Austin in 100 degree weather :)

ALSO, this gives me an excuse to buy 2 new summer dresses and get a pedicure.

Finally, big CONGRATS to my friend Ana Kay on her engagement this weekend!

That's all folks! Have a happy Tuesday.