Reflections

Originally, I had intended to use this blog as a way to keep friends and family updated on the wedding planning to avoid repeating myself a million times to people. I also intended to use the blog as a space for ideas and discussion about how to plan a feminist and eco-friendly wedding.

Now however, I am going to be delving into a more uncomfortable space. From time to time I will post about topics such as the wedding industrial complex, equal partnerships, the word "wife", and crazy oppressive wedding traditions. I know this will only serve to annoy some people like my dad (who, by the way, is somewhat feminist but likes to give me a hard time) but it is also for my lovely feminist friends who have started reading this blog as well.

I just started reading The Meaning of Wife by Anne Kingston. I am only into the second chapter and I highly recommend that anyone getting married read this book. Much of the content covers things I already know such as the tradition of women wearing white to symbolize purity and virginity, and the old tradition of the bride being a mere piece of chattel to be sold between father and suitor. (doesn't just thinking about that make you sick!)

Anyways, something new that i learned was that in tradition of viewing the bride as something to be bought, sold, and consumed, 18th century England wedding guests would claw at the bride for a piece of her garments as they believe her attire possessed mythical properties (with all of the magical virginity and what not)

Anthropologists note that two centuries later the idea of consuming the bride (in a more symbolic way) continues with the wedding cake..."the cake stands tall, white, archaic and decorated, pyramidal like the veiled bride herself, and the piercing of [the cake] dramatizes her rite of passage." The food writer Jeffrey Steingarten states "the modern wedding cake is a bride you can put in your mouth."

See, I knew there was a reason I didn't want a big white cake! Now, obviously times have changed: I picked my partner out of love, and there was no financial transaction made between my father and Mike. I am not at all an oppressed bride, but instead a happy and willing woman marrying the man of my choice.

BUT it's these little things like the cake, the veil, the huge white dress that make me realize that the modern day wedding still very much resembles the weddings of ancient (and not so ancient) times that directly contributed to women being treated as property and doormats.

So there it is. My Friday feminist rant, haha. That said, I do think there is a way to have a wedding that is about celebrating love and partnership and doesn't include sexist traditions, and my goal is to find that balance.

Until next time,

Sam